Counselling » RELATIONSHIP ISSUES » LOVE AND INTIMACY
What does love mean? What does it mean when you say "I love you"?
According to Robert Holden, PhD, is the author of Loveability: Knowing How to Love and Be Loved,
"I see you"
When people say "I love you" and it is meant truly, they are not relating to you as just a body; they see the real you. Love sees not just with the eyes, but with the heart, too, and it sees your soul. Love sees your eternal loveliness. Love sees the person you are trying to be. Love sees how loveable you really are. That’s why hearing the words "I love you" can give you the courage to be seen. Hence, love helps us to bring each other more fully into existence.
"I accept you"
In love, we see each other because we do not judge each other. "I love you" can mean "I see you" and also "I accept you." To accept another person is a fully sacred act and never a half-hearted love. It means, "I offer you love, and nothing that is not love." Seen in this light, "I love you" is a vow of acceptance between two friends who are declaring to each other, "I will not judge you" and "I will not label you" and "I will not condemn you." Each time you say "I love you," you are renewing this vow of acceptance and making a commitment to being the presence of love in someone’s life.
"I thank you"
Love is a grateful heart. When you say "I love you" to someone, you are saying, "I am grateful for you" and "I am grateful to you." This gratitude is recognition for all this person gives to you by his or her presence in your life. You are saying, "Thank you for loving me" and "Thank you for seeing me" and "Thank you for accepting me" and, as the old lyric goes, "Thank you for letting me be myself." Gratitude recognizes that none of us can discover who we really are by ourselves. It is by our undivided relatedness with each other that we experience our loveability.
Is this what it means to you? What does it mean to you?
Intimacy is not about having sex with someone... having sex would be called physical intimacy. But intimacy itself is about being able to be yourself with someone, disclose to someone and know you are not going to be judged. Most of the time to get to that point it takes time and if there have been problems in the relationship it may take time to get back to intimacy on every level. It is about trusting and being close to someone. Knowing someone as much as possible and loving them no matter what.